The Killer of the Heart
by Piper Elizabeth
Summary: Scully's running out of time.


Title: The Killer of the Heart  
  
Category: Angst/Little bit of romance  
  
Copyright: The X-Files and its affiliated characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and the Fox Network.  
  
Comments: Again, this story has Samantha Mulder as a healthy, 25 year old women.  
  
Authors Note: Why do we love hurting the people we love? What joy is put into that? Anyway, thank you Meghan for helping me come up with the ending of this one and for reminding me that life isn't always happy. I could never make it through school without you. Thanks!  
  
Mulder looked through the window and closed his eyes. He leaned his head against the wall and sighed. He didn't want to enter the room. He didn't want to face the truth. He didn't know what to do, how to respond to the news that he was just told. He picked up his head and opened his eyes. He took one last look through the window and opened the door. He walked into the room and over to a bed. He looked at his partner as a tear rolled down his cheek. He brushed a strand of hair away from her pale face and clutched her hand in his.  
  
"Mulder." She said as she rolled over and opened her eyes. She looked at him as he let go of her hand. He quickly blinked away the rest of his tears not letting her see how upset he was. "Where am I?"  
  
"You're in a Missouri Hospital. You collapsed, Scully." He said. Scully sighed and shut her eyes for a moment. Mulder wanted to fall to his knees and hold her hand and never let it go but he didn't. He waited as a thick silence fell between them. Finally, Scully looked back up at him. Looking into those blue eyes he wanted to cry, he wanted to break down and hold her but he couldn't. He had to stay strong for her but mostly for himself. "I know, I know what's happening to you."  
  
"Mulder.I." Scully began.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me? Why would you hide something like this from me? I thought you could trust me."  
  
Scully began to break down. The fact that Mulder didn't think she trusted him pierced her heart. She was shocked and surprised, not knowing how to respond. She always kept a strong face in front of Mulder but not she wanted him. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her telling her everything was going to be okay but she knew he wouldn't, not after what just happened.  
  
"Oh Mulder, I do trust you.I just."  
  
"What, you just what?"  
  
"I didn't want you to do this. To worry about me. To sit by my bedside and watch me die. You shouldn't have to do that. I can't put you through that. I can't let you feel my pain."  
  
"Well, if that's what you want then." Mulder took one last look at her and walked out of the room. He heard her call his name as he closed the door. He leaned against the wall. He wanted to go back inside. He wanted to tell her that he would never leave her but he felt betrayed. He felt that he didn't trust her enough to tell him.  
  
Three days later, Mulder walked through the halls of a familiar hospital. He walked up to a desk and smiled at one of the receptionists.  
  
"Fox, how are you today?" The receptionists asked. Mulder nodded. "Looking for Sam?"  
  
"Actually I'm looking for." He paused, and thought. "Yea, I'm looking for Sam. Know where she is?"  
  
"Right behind you." A voice said as she covered Mulder's eyes with her hands. Mulder turned around as his sister let go of his head. He smiled at her for a moment but then frowned.  
  
"Hey Sam, can we talk?" Mulder asked.  
  
"Sure, what about?" Sam wondered.  
  
Mulder looked around. "Not here." Samantha nodded and they walked into one of the emergency rooms. "Is she here?" Mulder asked. Samantha looked down to the floor. "Samantha?"  
  
"She was but she's not anymore." Samantha answered.  
  
"I thought she was going to undergo treatment.something to help her through this."  
  
"She stopped treatment against our better judgment. She said she had nothing left to live for."  
  
Mulder sighed. "I guess that's where I've come in. I left her. Alone in the darkness. I picked up the phone hundreds of times to call her to see if she was okay but I could never speak to her. I felt like I betrayed her, like I couldn't do anything for her to take me back and now all I want to do is sit and hold her."  
  
"Have you told her that?"  
  
"No, that wouldn't be professional of me."  
  
"Maybe it's time to stop being so professional, then." Sam said as her beeper went off. She looked at the number and sighed. "I have to go but be brave, Fox, and tell her. She needs you. She's not going to make it through this. If you don't tell her right now, it might be too late." She placed her hand on his arm and then walked away.  
  
Scully looked up as she heard a knock at her door. She pulled a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch, over her shoulders. She walked to her door and looked through the peep hole. She sighed, not wanting to open the door. He knocked again and she unlocked the door. She opened it and looked down at the floor. Mulder took his hand and held it to Scully's chin. He lifted her head and peered into her once beautiful blue eyes. Her cheeks were pale, her eyes were meek, and her face looked tired.  
  
"Scully." Mulder began.  
  
"What are you doing here, Mulder?" Scully asked, looking back down towards the floor as Mulder lowered his hand. He could see how worn and tired she was but he didn't want to see her that way. It was killing him just like it was killing her.  
  
"I came to see you, Scully. I wanted to say that I was sorry. Sorry for walking out on you. I'm sorry for being angry with you. I didn't want to hear what I was being told. I didn't want to face the fact that I was going to lose you."  
  
"I wanted to tell you. Mulder, I wanted to tell you so badly but I was told that I only had a few weeks and I wanted to make the best of the time that I had left. I didn't want it spent with you crying at my bedside and watching over my every step."  
  
"I want to be with you now. I want to forget about what happened and to sit with you. I want you to tell me what's going on and how I can help you fix it. There were so many times I wanted to talk to you.to ask what."  
  
"The point is you're here now." Scully stepped out of the way and Mulder entered her apartment. Scully closed the door and walked over to her couch. Mulder sat next to her. He pulled her body so it was leaning on his chest. She took in the smell and the feeling of being around him. The comfort that she felt when she was around him. She buried her head in his chest and began to cry. He stroked her beautiful red hair and kissed the top of her head. He had never seen her breakdown as she was right now. He felt as if it was the first time he ever really got to know her.  
  
"Why aren't you getting treatment, Scully?" Mulder asked.  
  
"What's the point, Mulder?"  
  
"You deserve so much better than this." Mulder paused, unsure if he wanted to ask the question that was floating around in his head. "If you could have re-done the last eight years, would you have?"  
  
"No, Mulder. I can't imagine my life any different. The X-Files is what makes me who I am and maybe my cancer helps define me as well."  
  
"It shouldn't be that way, Scully." Mulder whispered as he took her hand in his. He caressed her long, thin fingers. He brought her knuckles to his mouth and he kissed them slightly.  
  
"Would you have done it over?"  
  
"Yes." He answered. Scully looked at him. Her eyes looked shocked. "I don't think I would ever let you work with me. From the first moment I saw you."  
  
Scully sat up. "How can you say that? Mulder, what we have.our friendship."  
  
"Is more than just a friendship, Scully, I know. But I know what you've lost to be with me, to continue working with me and I could never ask you to give that up. When you walked into my office that first time I forced myself not to like you but then I trusted you and now, Scully."  
  
"And now what?"  
  
Mulder wanted to say something to her. He wanted to let her know how he felt about her. But he didn't want to hit her with it. She was so weak and fragile. He didn't want their last days together to be uncomfortable.  
  
"And now all I want to do is hold you and never let you go." Scully raised her body and looked toward Mulder. He dipped his head towards her. She parted her lips, knowing what Mulder was going to do. She wasn't sure if she should stop him but she didn't. He leaned towards her and their lips met. Scully allowed herself to indulge in the kiss for a moment but then she pulled apart.  
  
"I'm sorry." She whispered. Mulder placed his hand on her cheek. "We can't do this, I won't let you do this to yourself."  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Fall in love with me when I'm about to.die."  
  
"Don't you see, Scully? I've already fallen in love with you. I love you, Scully." Scully looked into Mulder's beautiful brown eyes. He leaned towards her again and kissed her. This time more deeply. Half of her wanted to stop but the other half needed him so close. A few seconds later, they parted and Mulder looked at her.  
  
"Why did this have to happen now? It's all coming together and yet it's all falling apart. It seems unfair." Scully whispered.  
  
"I know." Mulder said as he continued to stoke Scully's hair. "But we have time together now."  
  
"Not much time." Scully whispered.  
  
Mulder felt as if a knife had pierced his heart. He didn't want to believe Scully was going to be gone. "Is there anything you want to do? Anywhere you want to go?"  
  
"I just want to be with you."  
  
Scully woke up and shaded her eyes as she looked out the window. She was cocooned in layers of blankets. She brushed hair out of her face as Mulder walked into the room.  
  
"Morning." He said. "You look a lot better." She smiled slightly. She looked over at her bed stand and saw a tray with food on it. "I thought you might be hungry." Scully picked up a cup of coffee from it and sipped it slightly. She looked down at the tray and saw an envelope labeled 'Scully' on it.  
  
"What is it?" She asked.  
  
"Open it." He said. Scully looked at him and then opened the envelope. She gasped as she looked at the contents. "Mulder.plane tickets to Hawaii, what are you doing?"  
  
"I'm taking you on the best trip ever."  
  
"Mulder, you didn't have to do this."  
  
"No, but wanted to. I wanna be with you."  
  
Scully smiled. "Thank you." Mulder hopped onto the bed and climbed next to her. He leaned over to her and kissed her.  
  
Mulder took long strides over the hot sand. The soles of his feet burned slightly but it didn't bother him. Scully was lying on a lawn chair, reading a book. Other people and couples were around. Most of the women wore nothing at all but not Scully. She had khakis and a long sleeve shirt on. She had to protect her fair skin. Mulder walked over to her and sat down in a chair beside her.  
  
"You like it here?" He asked.  
  
"It's beautiful." She answered as she put the book down, marking her page.  
  
"Just like you." Mulder complimented. Scully smiled and blushed slightly. She stared out over the ocean where the sun began to set. Beautiful purples and pinks highlighted the sky. It was a night to remember. Mulder looked at the sky and then to Scully. He noticed her stiff gaze at the sky. "What are you thinking about?" He wondered.  
  
"About how perfect it is here. How simple and how different it is from everything I've ever known. And about how I'll never see anything this beautiful again."  
  
"Don't say that, Scully." Mulder said as he began to get that sunken feeling in his heart.  
  
Scully flipped her protected legs onto the warm sand. She faced Mulder and enveloped his hands in hers.  
  
"Mulder, I know you don't want to think about me dying and I know you don't want to talk about it."  
  
"Please, Scully, don't. Don't ruin this moment." Mulder begged as he stood up. He turned, unable to face her. This time, he wanted to break down in cry. He wanted her to catch him as he fell but she wouldn't always be there to catch him and he knew it.  
  
"Mulder, what's going to happen when the time comes when I die? What's going to happen to you? To the X-Files? I need to know that you're going to be able to continue your life without me. I need to know that you're going to be okay and that I have nothing to worry about. I want you there for me when the time comes but if it's too difficult for you to sit, waiting."  
  
"No, Scully." He said turning back towards her. "It is very difficult for me to talk about this and to even imagine myself sitting there with you but I want to be with you. I want to spend every last minute with you, right up to the end. I want to be your support but only if you'll be mine."  
  
"I will be for as long as I can." She said. "And even when I'm gone, I'll always be in your heart."  
  
She stood next to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He tucked her head under his chin and they stood, hugging each other. To others around they looked like the perfect couple but to each other they were a match that barely came together in the nick of time.  
  
Five days later, Mulder walked into his office. He went over to the desk and fingered his nameplate. He asked himself why he never got Scully one. Was it never that important or did he just not want her to have one? He looked to the various pictures of UFO's, aliens, and tabloid headlines that he had posted around. In an instance of fury he wanted to rip them down. He wanted to blame them for what was happening to Scully. Over the last eight years he had found what he was looking for, his sister but it had cost him so dearly.  
  
He sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands. He wanted the last few days to come alive again. Scully looked so well while they were in Hawaii. She was laughing and having fun but now she was sick again. So sick that she was sent to the hospital immediately upon returning home. Mulder wanted to rush over there and see her but he had a few things he had to worry about first.  
  
"Agent Mulder." A voice said. He looked up and saw a tall, blonde woman standing in the doorway. She walked in and handed Mulder a piece of paper. Mulder looked at her slight makeup and her business-like way of dressing. He read the piece of paper and then looked up at her.  
  
"Who are you?" He asked.  
  
"My name is Special Agent Nicole Racquel. I'm guessing we're going to be partners." The woman said.  
  
"Partners?" Mulder questioned in a whisper. "Who sent the note?"  
  
"Assistant Director Skinner. He told me to tell you that a Dana Scully recommended me. He said the name would mean something to you. Does it?"  
  
"Yes." He mumbled.  
  
"Well, then nice to meet you, Fox." She said as she extended her hand. Mulder brushed passed her, not shaking her hand.  
  
"It's Mulder." He said as he walked out the door.  
  
Mulder shoved his hand into his jacket pocket and searched for his keys. He found them and then fumbled for the right key. He passed over Scully's, which made him shudder. He wanted to get into his apartment as quickly as possible and then get over to the hospital. He had just spent the last thirty minutes trying to convince Skinner that he didn't need a partner.  
  
Mulder finally found the right key and he jammed it into the key hole. He opened the door and stepped inside. The only light came from his large fish tank on his shelf. He took off his coat and dropped it onto the couch.  
  
"You'll want to pick that up." A woman said. Mulder quickly reached for his gun and pointed it outward.  
  
"Who are you?" Mulder asked as he backed up into the wall. He flicked on the lights and stared out. He lowered his gun and scowled. "Agent Racquel, how did you get in here?"  
  
She stood up, dumping Mulder's jacket on the floor. "I learned how to pick locks throughout the years. It's a good trade to pick up, you should try it."  
  
"I'll keep that in mind." Mulder said as he walked into the kitchen. He took a gallon of milk out of the fridge and then poured some in a glass. He held the bottle up, offering some to Racquel but she shook her head. Mulder put the glass to his lips and sipped slowly. He looked at Racquel who was standing with her arms crossed. She looked impatient. "What do you want?" Mulder finally asked as he slammed his glass on the table.  
  
"I want an apology. After the way you walked out on me today. What was that all about?" Racquel demanded to know.  
  
"I'm having a pretty bad day." Mulder said. He looked at Racquel who didn't seem to happy with his answer. "Actually, a pretty bad couple of weeks." He mumbled.  
  
"I don't know why you don't want a partner and I think I deserve a chance. If you're old partner did something awful to you, I'm sorry but I am not."  
  
"My old partner never did anything to hurt me." Mulder said, cutting her off. "And she's not my old partner."  
  
"What do you mean she's not your old partner?" Racquel asked. She sat down on the couch, expecting a story but none came. Mulder didn't respond. "What is it? What do you have against me?"  
  
"It's not you." Mulder said, sitting down at his kitchen table.  
  
"Then tell me. Whether you like it or not we are working together and it would help if I knew why you disliked me."  
  
Mulder sighed. "The woman, Dana Scully, that you spoke of earlier was my partner for eight years. Four years ago she was diagnosed with cancer and it was my fault."  
  
"How could her getting cancer be your fault?"  
  
Mulder gave her a stern look. "If you want me to tell my story, don't interrupt." Racquel nodded. "She was fine, sometimes having a few scares but she pulled through. A few weeks ago she found out that her cancer had spread. She knew she was going to die." A tear rolled down his cheek. He quickly brushed it away not wanting Racquel to notice but it was too late, she already had. "She's lying in a hospital bed right now, dying."  
  
"I'm sorry." Racquel said. She stood up and walked over to Mulder. She placed her arm around his shoulder as he buried his head in his hands. "Do you love her?"  
  
Mulder quickly looked up and at Racquel. She removed her arm from his body and looked deep into his eyes. Mulder didn't know how to respond. He loved Scully with all of his heart but how could he tell another agent that?  
  
"I do love her. I care more about her than anything in the world. Seeing her dying is killing me." Mulder admitted. He looked over at Racquel with pleading eyes. "Please don't."  
  
"I won't tell. I know how the FBI doesn't like it's agents to fall in love but I know how you're feeling. I fell in love with a colleague of mine and then he was shot while on one of our cases. He died so I know what you're going through." She paused. "What hospital is Dana at?"  
  
"Georgetown Memorial." Mulder said. "I was going to go see her."  
  
"I'd like to meet her, if it's okay." Racquel said. Mulder nodded. "I'll drive then." Mulder wiped his eyes and picked up his jacket. He put it on as he followed her out the door.  
  
"Scully." Mulder said as he walked into her room. Racquel hung by the door as Mulder took a seat next to Scully's bed. She turned her head towards him slowly. He took her right hand and held it tightly. She opened her eyes and smiled at him as she saw Mulder's face.  
  
"Mulder." She whispered. Her voice was cracked and her face was pale. Even her eyes had no color.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Mulder asked. He stroked her hair with his free hand, never taking his eyes off of her face.  
  
"Tired but better since you've arrived." Scully said. Mulder smiled. Scully looked past his shoulder at Racquel.  
  
"This is ah Agent Nicole Racquel." Mulder said as Racquel stepped forward. Mulder let go off Scully's hand as she loosely shook Racquel's.  
  
"Your new partner." Scully commented. She smiled though Mulder knew she was upset. She didn't want to face the fact that someone else would be doing her job, keeping Mulder inline.  
  
"Agent Scully, it's so nice to meet you." Racquel said. "I'm sorry about."  
  
"Thank you." Scully said.  
  
"I'll leave you two alone." Racquel offered. "It was nice to meet you. And Agent Mulder, I'll be waiting outside."  
  
"That won't be necessary, I'll find my own way home." Mulder sad.  
  
"Okay." Racquel responded.  
  
Racquel turned to leave when Scully said her name. She turned back and looked at Scully. "Take care of Mulder for me. Don't let him talk you into going on UFO hunts but don't dismiss all of his insane theories."  
  
"I won't." Racquel said. "Good-bye." She took one last look at Scully and then over at Mulder. Water began to swell up in his eyes. He blinked his tears away as Racquel left the room.  
  
"She seems really nice." Scully said.  
  
"I just met her today, but yea, she seems like a person easy to work with." Mulder said. He took her hand again.  
  
"Mulder, I want you to work with her. She's a good agent and a good person. After all you've been through, you deserve a partner like her. She's open to extreme possibilities but she'll also a scientist and she'll look at the facts. You two will make great partners, you'll work well together."  
  
"Scully, we worked well together. We worked better than well. No one thought we could do it but we did and now I wish we hadn't."  
  
They both grew silent. Neither knew what to say. A few moments later, the door opened. Mulder turned and saw Samantha walk in. She wore a full set of scrubs, safety glassed on her eyes, and a mask covering her nose and mouth.  
  
"Fox, I didn't know you were here." Samantha said. She held a file in her hand. "You need to leave, Fox. You need to leave now."  
  
"What? Samantha, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Get out, Fox."  
  
Mulder looked at her and then at Scully. Scully loosened her hand from his grip. "Scully?" Mulder questioned. He wasn't sure what to do or how to feel. He wanted to know what was going on. His mind raced with questions including what Samantha was talking about.  
  
"Do what she says." Scully said as she pushed Mulder away. Mulder let go of her hand and stood. He looked at Samantha and then passed her, as he continued to walk outside. Samantha waited until the door slammed. She walked over to Dana's bed and touched her arm with her hands that were covered with latex gloves.  
  
"Dana, I asked Fox to leave because what you have isn't cancer." Samantha said.  
  
"What is it then?" Scully asked.  
  
"There's something in your blood that appears to be killing you. We can't figure out exactly what it is. It's something we've never seen before but we have a feeling that it could be contagious. Now we're not sure if it's transported through blood, touch, saliva or all three but until we do we have to put you into quarantine. Now Dana, I don't want to do that because since we can't find the cause or how this originated, we can't tell how long you have but I have to do what is right."  
  
"I understand." Scully said. "Can you tell Mulder?"  
  
Samantha nodded. "I'll be right back." She said. She walked out of the room and came back a few minutes later with other doctors and men in white suits. Mulder stood in the open doorway, wanting to jump in and hold her but he restrained himself. He caught her eye as they transferred her onto a gurney. He began to weep silently. He watched as they wheeled her out of the room and down the hallway. He wanted to follow them, to see where she was being taken but he didn't.  
  
"What?" Mulder yelled. He stood and clenched his fists. Samantha rose from her chair and stood next to him. She touched his arm but he brushed her away. He didn't want to hear what she was telling him. He wanted to be there for her. He wanted to hold her hand and tell her everything was going to be okay but he knew she could infect him with something deadly. Something that no one could identify.  
  
"Fox, I'm sorry about this and I know you're going to want to be with her and you can. You can be with her in the quarantine area of the hospital. You'll have to stay in a protective room but you'll be able to view her and talk to her."  
  
"I want to do more than talk to her, Sam. I love her, and I need to show her I need to be with her."  
  
"Fox, Dana knows you love her. She's always known. Now show her you still care for and respect her by being with her but by not contaminating yourself. We do need to run tests on you to make sure you're not infected with this." Samantha said. Mulder didn't respond.  
  
Samantha looked at him and called a few doctors over. They walked over to Mulder as he sat back down and wanted cry but he didn't. He stayed strong for himself but most of all for Scully. The doctors urged Mulder to stand, and he did. They began to walk off towards an examining room but Mulder stopped them.  
  
"When you go to see her, tell her I'll be there as soon as I can and tell her I love her." Mulder said.  
  
"I will." Samantha said as Mulder was led away.  
  
Mulder stood in a small room, peering in at Scully. He wasn't allowed to touch her or even go in the same room as her but at that moment he didn't matter. She breathed lightly as she slept. Mulder crossed his arms as he stared at her. He wiped a tear off of his cheek as he heard the door open behind him.  
  
"Is she still sleeping?" Samantha asked as she walked in behind him.  
  
"Yea." Mulder whispered.  
  
"Whatever she has, it's taking a lot of energy out of her." Samantha said. Mulder turned and looked at his sister. She held a manila folder in her hands.  
  
"Are those my test results?" Mulder asked. Samantha nodded. He didn't really care what the tests said. Sometimes he wished he had been infected with Scully instead of having to watch her die alone. Samantha handed him the file and then exited the room. Mulder wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer. He thought about what Scully was telling him in Hawaii. How he had to keep living for her and for their work. Mulder opened the file and looked inside.  
  
A year later Mulder sat in his office looking around at his posters as he often did. They reminded himself of his quests, of the truth, of her. It had been too long - too long since he had seen her. Since he had heard her words. He needed her, he needed her more than ever.  
  
"Agent Mulder." The female voice said. Mulder turned in his swivel chair to face Agent Racquel. She stood in front of his desk. "Where were you this morning?"  
  
"I was out." Mulder responded.  
  
"Out where?" Racquel demanded to know. She took a seat in front of Mulder's desk.  
  
"What I do on my personal time does not concern you, Agent Racquel."  
  
"No. I guess it doesn't." She paused, unable to keep in her curiosity. You were out there again, weren't you?"  
  
Mulder ignored her. "Is there something you specifically wanted?"  
  
"Look, we've been working together for a year now. I think it's time you treated me like a civilized human being."  
  
"I don't owe you anything."  
  
"No, no you don't but I think I deserve something here. In one year you've hardly said anything to me. You won't trust me, you won't talk to me, you won't even try to work with me. I know you miss her. I know you were there this morning but you can't live like this. She wouldn't want you to."  
  
"How would you know what she wants? She was my life. I wish I had been infected with her."  
  
"Stop doing this to yourself. She's gone. You have to realize that. She isn't coming back. You can't live in the past."  
  
"Who are you to tell me what I should and should not do?!" Mulder stood and faced her. "You don't know me!"  
  
"That's because you won't let me get to know you." She sighed. "I know you think I'm trying to take her spot in your life but I'm not. I understand how much she meant to you. I would never try to take that from you. I need you to trust me. I need you to feel that you can come to me when you need to talk. I want to be your friend, Mulder, not your enemy." She looked at him for another second and then left the office. Mulder sat back down and buried his head in his hand.  
  
* * *  
  
The sun beamed down on the people below, soaking through his dark colored clothes. He stared at the oak box in front of him. Others surrounded him, each sniffling and crying slightly. Mulder told himself that he wouldn't cry, that he would stay strong, but he couldn't stick true to that anymore. He had never been a religious man but the words from the bible swept through him and touched his heart. Beautiful flowers surrounded the casket filling the air with a beautiful scent. Mulder watched as the priest said his last prayer and then walked away. Mulder looked to the woman standing next to him.  
  
"Mrs. Scully.I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for killing your daughter."  
  
Mrs. Scully looked up at him with teary eyes. "Fox, don't ever say that. You did not kill Dana. She loved you so much. The only thing she wished was that she could have had more time with you."  
  
"I just wish I could bring her back."  
  
"I know you do, Fox. But the important thing to do now is to never forget her and to carry on." Mrs. Scully placed her hand on Mulder's arm. "Don't forget about me, Fox. I'd like to here from you every now and again."  
  
"Of course." Mulder whispered.  
  
"I'll see you soon." Mrs. Scully picked up one of the flowers from beside Scully's casket and walked away. Mulder was left alone once more. He kneeled down next to the casket.  
  
"Scully.I can't, I can't do this without you. I don't know what to do anymore, Scully. I'm so sorry. You'll always be in my heart. I love you, Scully. I love you more than I was ever able to express. We'll be together some day, I promise. I'll never forget you." He stood and picked up one of the flowers. He walked away - never looking back.  
  
* * *  
  
Mulder blinked and cleared his mind of the image. He was still sitting at his desk in his office. The door was still wide open from Agent Racquel's earlier exit. The memories had become so vivid to him. It was like he was really living in the moment all over again. He had flashbacks of the time with Scully constantly. Some of them were better than others. Some were from their time on a case, or from Hawaii, but then others - like the one he just had - were harder to take. They reminded him of the hard times, the sad times. Mulder wanted to erase those memories from his mind but he knew he never would be able to. They'd always be a part of him just like she was.  
  
Later that night Mulder sat alone in his apartment. A small, shoebox like container was in the middle of his coffee table in front of him. He leafed through a variety of photographs that was spread out on the table. They were all of Scully. Most of them were taken during cases throughout the years but some were of the two of them together. Mulder let a small teardrop fell on a picture of her laughing. Mulder hadn't seen Scully laugh much - he figured not many other people did, either. The smile that she had in the picture was one she only gave to him. It was her "Mulder" smile and he loved it. A home movie of Mulder and Scully in Hawaii played on the television screen. Before they had left for the tropical location, Mulder had insisted that they should buy a video camera to capture every moment. It had turned out to be a good idea.  
  
"Oh Scully." Mulder whimpered as he watched her come across the screen. He let his tears flow freely as he cried himself to sleep.  
  
* * *  
  
Mulder stood, holding the envelope in his hands. He wasn't sure if he wanted to open it. Did he really want to know the truth? He looked through the glass and saw her lying before him. Her body was so limp and weak. Could he really watch her go through this? Did he want to go through it with her? He looked back at her once more and then looked back at the envelope. He held his breath as he opened it and took out the contents. He scanned the papers and then let his breath go. He shoved the papers back into the envelope and looked towards Scully. She stirred and opened her eyes. She looked at Mulder through the window.  
  
"Hey." She said.  
  
Mulder walked over to the wall and pressed a button. It would intercom his voice into her room. "Hey, how are you feeling?"  
  
"Tired." She admitted. She noticed the folder in his hand. "Are those your results, Mulder?" He nodded. "What did they say?"  
  
He hesitated slightly. "I'm not infected."  
  
She smiled as a tear came to her eye. "Thank God." She whispered.  
  
"Scully, I am going to figure out what this thing is. I'm going to save you, I will. I promise."  
  
"Mulder, the worst promise to make is one to yourself. Don't set yourself up for failure. I've accepted the truth, why can't you?"  
  
Mulder shook his head in desperation. He didn't know how to answer the question. He closed his eyes for a moment and then looked back up at Scully. She began to cough drastically - spitting up blood. Mulder panicked. He ran out of the room and grabbed the nearest doctor. He watched as nurses and doctors ran in and out of Scully's room but there was nothing they could do. They had given up. She was gone and he was alone - all alone.  
  
* * *  
  
Mulder awoke with sweat beaded on his forehead. He looked around and noticed his TV was still playing home videos. The pictures were still spread out over the table, the floor, and his stomach. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to go to the only place where he could be completely alone with her but he couldn't go alone. He grabbed the telephone off the coffee table and dialed.  
  
"Hello?" The female voice said on the other end.  
  
"Racquel, it's Agent Mulder. You told me today that if I needed you I could call you at any time."  
  
"Of course, Agent Mulder, what is it?"  
  
"I need you to drive me somewhere."  
  
"This is stupid, Mulder! What are you thinking you're going to accomplish?! This won't bring her back!" Agent Racquel shouted as Mulder walked off into the darkness. She sighed and leaned against her car, awaiting his return.  
  
Mulder walked off to the familiar spot. A beautiful headstone marked her grave. It was still surrounded by flowers. Every week Mulder brought a new type to keep the spot beautiful. A copy of her favorite book, Moby Dick, rested against her headstone. He sat down at her grave, tracing her name with his fingers. He went to the gravestone many times before. It was the only place where he could feel alone - where he could feel her presence. It was peaceful there - a place where he wanted to stay forever.  
  
"I'm coming back to you, Scully. I'll always love you." Mulder whispered.  
  
Agent Racquel heard the shot from where she stood. She immediately thought to Mulder. How could she have been so stupid as to leave him alone when he was in that kind of state? She took out her gun and began to run towards the sound. She found Mulder, lying on the ground.  
  
"Mulder!" She shouted. She kneeled down next to him. "Oh my God, what did you do?" He sat up, holding his gun in his hand. He dropped it on the ground. It was still smoking slightly.  
  
"I was thinking about it.but I couldn't. I couldn't do it for her. She told me to be strong and I haven't fulfilled that up to now."  
  
"Well there's always somewhere to start." Agent Racquel said placing her gun back in its holster. "Come on, I'll take you home." She began to walk away. Mulder looked back at Scully's grave and then walked after Racquel. 


End file.
